All posts by jane

Stillness

Lying here beside you,
The stillness of your body
Reminds me that our time is short.

Sometimes I forget in the heat of the day
That life is just a fleeting breath.

I want to cherish the moments while they’re here
Shouts and kisses and anger and joy
All the passion, frustration, peace we’ve shared
Bound up in memories that are ours alone to keep.

Sometimes I pause and dry a tear
Grieving for me, for you,
For the separation that must come some day.

Clinging to the hope that only Christ can give
The joy we’ll know when we meet again.

Jane 2024

Memories

When I look back

Upon the dim and distant past,

I see only scenes,

Brief moments with such significance.

Words were said, decisions made:

Eternal consequences.

So casually the world collapsed

And another began to grow.

Volcanoes erupted,

Words said that can’t return,

A fire that scorched and burned,

With ashes, its memory.

I sit now in my garden

The soil rich from ash grown cold.

Sometimes I wonder

What might have been.

But the flowers that bloom

Smell so sweet.

I can’t begrudge

The tiny thorn that sometimes pricks.

And I comfort my heart

When my tears would flow

With promises of

The angel’s song.

Jane. 

2023

A Year Ago

A year ago, my eyes were opened to your distress

I saw a you I’d never seen before-

Lost, alone, bereft,

The light gone from your eyes.

And I could not reach you – no matter how I pled

A year ago, I saw your path

And fell to my knees begging God – 

To shine the light on you

To lead you out

To show you truth

To save you.

Three times you fell

And struggled back.

And then you left.

I never heard your voice again.

Oh my son,

I weep because I will never see your face again.

I weep for the end.

I weep for the day when I will see you once more.

And know that you are safe.

And I will weep no more.

Jane 2017

Downsizing/Upsizing

It’s nearing 6 months since we sold the home my husband (with a little help from friends, family and myself) built for us. When we built that place, we thought of it as our forever home. We didn’t take into account that the family we had then, our abilities, endurance and needs would change in a few years. We had to let go of a lot of our preconceived ideas of what aging would do with us. As time has advanced, we have become more aware of the temporariness of our physical and mental abilities.

Log House in Winter

We were happy that a lovely family took residence – and we know they will love our place as much as we did.

We moved into a place that was a true fixer-upper. We didn’t really look at this place thoroughly before we committed, but I did and still do believe it was the place God wanted us to have. We have lovely neighbors and it’s a nice little town. But it’s a bit like adopting a teenager instead of giving birth and shaping the little one to your family values. This teenager(adult) has a mind of its own and wasn’t put together in the best way to start with! Some things we can fix, others we will have to just cope with.

Dixon house

We have spent a lot of money and time working on this place to make it our own, make it livable and give it our own stamp. And there’s still a lot to do. But we are hoping it will be a home base where we can still create and serve as long as we are physically and mentally able. We have to decide what possessions we must keep and what we can give away. Time is a gift and a thief!

But more important than these temporary abodes is the prospect of our eternal home awaiting us. We look forward to being with Jesus, walking and talking with Him, perhaps in the Garden of Eden.

green leaf plant beside river
Garden of Eden (?)

We really don’t know what lies on the other side, but we DO know that Jesus will be there and we’ll be like Him, in His presence, without pain or sorrow.

In the meantime, it’s important to keep our eyes on Jesus, to keep in mind that we are in a war that Christ has already won but not completed yet. We are to carry the gospel to those who don’t know Him.

Spring Mourning

Full moon, soft breeze
Owls calling softly in the woods below:
It’s spring.
But no more springs for you.
Tears flow, heart breaks
For all the might have beens
That never will.

A month has passed
And time moves on
But my heart can’t.

An empty place
A soft depression
Reminders that
You are gone.

I know that life will come around
Laughter will return
And tears grow softer

But your place will forever be
Unfilled.

Fall

And now it’s fall
The leaves reflect my spirit
I’ve changed the flowers on your resting place
I hope you notice that I still care.

I’ve come to see the wisdom
In your leaving
Perhaps for you, the best had already been.
Perhaps the dreams you had were no longer attainable

I have to trust that God knew best
And you are blooming now
In a far more wonderful garden.

I know that I will see you soon
And whatever that time frame may seem,
It will only be a blink, a breath, a turn just down the road
And all sorrow will disappear.

10/17