All posts by jane

A Year Ago

A year ago, my eyes were opened to your distress

I saw a you I’d never seen before-

Lost, alone, bereft,

The light gone from your eyes.

And I could not reach you – no matter how I pled

A year ago, I saw your path

And fell to my knees begging God – 

To shine the light on you

To lead you out

  To show you truth

  To save you.

Three times you fell

And struggled back.

And then you left.

I never heard your voice again.

Oh my son,

I weep because I will never see your face again.

I weep for the end.

I weep for the day when I will see you once more.

And know that you are safe.

And I will weep no more.

Jane 2017


It’s nearing 6 months since we sold the home my husband (with a little help from friends, family and myself) built for us. When we built that place, we thought of it as our forever home. We didn’t take into account that the family we had then, our abilities, endurance and needs would change in a few years. We had to let go of a lot of our preconceived ideas of what aging would do with us. As time has advanced, we have become more aware of the temporariness of our physical and mental abilities.

Log House in Winter

We were happy that a lovely family took residence – and we know they will love our place as much as we did.

We moved into a place that was a true fixer-upper. We didn’t really look at this place thoroughly before we committed, but I did and still do believe it was the place God wanted us to have. We have lovely neighbors and it’s a nice little town. But it’s a bit like adopting a teenager instead of giving birth and shaping the little one to your family values. This teenager(adult) has a mind of its own and wasn’t put together in the best way to start with! Some things we can fix, others we will have to just cope with.

Dixon house

We have spent a lot of money and time working on this place to make it our own, make it livable and give it our own stamp. And there’s still a lot to do. But we are hoping it will be a home base where we can still create and serve as long as we are physically and mentally able. We have to decide what possessions we must keep and what we can give away. Time is a gift and a thief!

But more important than these temporary abodes is the prospect of our eternal home awaiting us. We look forward to being with Jesus, walking and talking with Him, perhaps in the Garden of Eden.

green leaf plant beside river
Garden of Eden (?)

We really don’t know what lies on the other side, but we DO know that Jesus will be there and we’ll be like Him, in His presence, without pain or sorrow.

In the meantime, it’s important to keep our eyes on Jesus, to keep in mind that we are in a war that Christ has already won but not completed yet. We are to carry the gospel to those who don’t know Him.

Spring Mourning

Full moon, soft breeze
Owls calling softly in the woods below:
It’s spring.
But no more springs for you.
Tears flow, heart breaks
For all the might have beens
That never will.

A month has passed
And time moves on
But my heart can’t.

An empty place
A soft depression
Reminders that
You are gone.

I know that life will come around
Laughter will return
And tears grow softer

But your place will forever be


And now it’s fall
The leaves reflect my spirit
I’ve changed the flowers on your resting place
I hope you notice that I still care.

I’ve come to see the wisdom
In your leaving
Perhaps for you, the best had already been.
Perhaps the dreams you had were no longer attainable

I have to trust that God knew best
And you are blooming now
In a far more wonderful garden.

I know that I will see you soon
And whatever that time frame may seem,
It will only be a blink, a breath, a turn just down the road
And all sorrow will disappear.



Many start out on this race
A crown of victory in view
Focusing on the distant goal,
Strapping on their running shoes
Some have trained and planned the course
Others have come in late
Perhaps inspired by the hopes for the prize,
The value of which is great
Some are drawn in by their friends
Not wanting to be left behind.
Others count the price to be paid.
These are the staying kind.
The people who will win this race
Are those who look ahead
Who pace themselves and stay on track
Whom by the Spirit are led.
And when the finish line appears
And they receive the crown for the race they've run
They'll gladly lay it at the Master's feet
In gratitude for what He's done.

Jane 2018

What to do till the lactation consultant gets there

Baby refusing the breast?
Milk supply low?
Baby not getting enough?

Remember these 3 things:
1. Feed the baby!
2. Protect your milk supply!
3. Make the breast a happy place!

Feed the baby.The amount a baby needs depends on his or her age and size. Babies between one to 6 months need around 24 ounces of breast milk per day. A 3 day old baby needs at least 4 oz per day, a 5 day old needs 8 oz, etc. A baby who is latching effectively may actually take more than these amounts from your breast. If your baby is under a week old and you believe he or she is not getting enough from direct breastfeeding, try offering small amounts of expressed breast milk by spoon, cup or finger-feeding with a syringe. If your baby is older and requires more than an ounce at a feeding, you may consider using paced bottle-feeding techniques for giving extra milk.

Protect your milk supply. Breast milk production is controlled by hormones in the beginning, but soon switches to local control. This means the more milk is removed from the breast, the more completely drained, the more it will produce in the next hour. When a baby is not effectively removing milk, this tells the breast that it is making too much. Using hand-expression and/or a rental-grade breast pump after feedings may be necessary to protect or build a supply until baby is able to empty the breast more easily. Research has shown that mothers who have effective breast drainage in the first three days (that is defined as 30 breastfeeds or hands-on pumping episodes in 72 hours) have twice as much milk at 10 days after delivery.

Make the breast a happy place. Keep baby skin to skin as much as possible. Baby should be between mom’s breasts, head facing to one side. Mom should be positioned comfortably, propped up with firm pillows with her back and arms supported. Breastfeeding is more than providing milk for your baby – it is setting up a relationship that starts out as meeting a physical need and transitions to meeting an emotional need between mother and child.

All breastfeeding techniques or assistive techniques should include these three concepts.