Full moon, soft breeze
Owls calling softly in the woods below:
It’s spring.
But no more springs for you.
Tears flow, heart breaks
For all the might have beens
That never will.

A month has passed
And time moves on
But my heart can’t.

An empty place
A soft depression
Reminders that
You are gone.

I know that life will come around
Laughter will return
And tears grow softer

But your place will forever be
Unfilled.

And now it’s fall
The leaves reflect my spirit
I’ve changed the flowers on your resting place
I hope you notice that I still care.

I’ve come to see the wisdom
In your leaving
Perhaps for you, the best had already been.
Perhaps the dreams you had were no longer attainable

I have to trust that God knew best
And you are blooming now
In a far more wonderful garden.

I know that I will see you soon
And whatever that time frame may seem,
It will only be a blink, a breath, a turn just down the road
And all sorrow will disappear.

10/17

Many start out on this race
A crown of victory in view
Focusing on the distant goal,
Strapping on their running shoes

Some have trained and planned the course
Others have come in late
Perhaps inspired by the hopes for the prize,
The value of which is great

Some are drawn in by their friends
Not wanting to be left behind.
Others count the price to be paid.
These are the staying kind.

The people who will win this race
Are those who look ahead
Who pace themselves and stay on track
Whom by the Spirit are led.

And when the finish line appears
And they receive the crown for the race they've run
They'll gladly lay it at the Master's feet
In gratitude for what He's done.

Jane 2018

The first time I held you in my arms
The first time your eyes saw mine
The first steps you took, your first smile and first tooth
Your very first day at school.

I remember them all with tears and with smiles
Those days will never come back.
I cherish them and remember some well
With photos and papers and keepsakes.

But I remember too some bittersweet lasts,
Though they’re not written in your book
They aren’t quite as clear and sometimes I missed them
In the demands of the everyday pace.

The last time I read you a bedtime story
The last time we said your prayers
The last time you kissed me when you left the car
The last time I signed a card.

The last time I wiped away a tear of pain,
The last time we spoke harsh words
The last time you packed up your belongings
To move to your very own place.

My motherhood role has been folded away
I will never wear it again.
Our places are changed and our dreams are all full
Of remembrances instead of hopes.

But the new hope I have is an unspoken one
That the memories we keep will be real
And the love that formed the foundation we have
Will last through the years that remain.

And when we say our last goodbye
The tears that you shed will be sweet
For you’ll know that I will be watching you
Till we meet again in God’s arms.


Jane 2007

Gone –suddenly, 

Snatched from this earthly plain.

No time for goodbyes, plans, last thoughts

In a twinkling, gone.

Shock – unavoidable,

Pain of loss and unsaid words,

No chance to savor, thank, forgive

Like echoes, dust beams, haze barely seen.

I know logically,

This is what you would choose.

No suffering, no gradual decline.

You leave well-remembered, in your prime.

But how it hurts

We left behind to mourn,

Pick up the shattered that cannot be mended,

Hold onto what cannot be encompassed.

We can only honor you by

Holding tighter to those yet here,

Cherishing and choosing with much better care

And looking past this pain to the eternal.

Jane 2012

I’m a princess of Egypt –
My mother was the Queen of Denial.
She ruled her domain
With a scepter of shame
Kept her dignity all the while.

The rules of the kingdom
Not spoken at all
Kept the terror of truth at bay:
Daddy’s not drunk
He’s asleep on the floor
The wolf is not at the door.

It didn’t really happen
If you don’t talk about it.
You are just like everyone else.
The pain that you feel will just go away
If you keep it all to yourself.

Don’t talk about it,
Don’t think about it,
Don’t do anything at all.
Keep it inside,
Hold it inside,
Your home is in Egypt’s wall.

But I heard a story
Said I could be free
If I opened my heart to the truth.
Told all the tales
Let out my fears
And regrets of my wasted youth.

But I’m not going home anymore
Egypt’s a dream I don’t need
There’s freedom to be had
When I let it all go
And face every day unafraid.

And I’m gonna talk about it,
I’m gonna think about it,
I’m gonna do what needs to be done.
Gonna let go of pain,
Won’t live there again,
‘Cause Egypt’s no longer my home!

Jane ‘05
(this is about recovering as a co-dependent)